The Serpents Path: Schizophrenia or Kundalini Awakening
Updated: 17 hours ago
The year 2018 was a particularly challenging one for me, marking the end of my career in teaching high school history, a passion of mine. I decided to leave my job due to workplace difficulties. Describing 2018 as chaotic doesn't quite capture its intensity. Importantly, I was not fired; I made the decision to resign, which is a key distinction. Ironically, I was a highly regarded teacher, having been honored with the Teacher of the Year award and recognized by the local NAACP for my contributions as an outstanding educator. The shift from being celebrated to feeling afraid to go to work is a complex story that could fill an entire book. My doctors diagnosed me with a form of paranoid schizophrenia, which affected my ability to work. In 2018, I was extremely paranoid, convinced daily that students intended to harm me. This paranoia extended beyond the workplace, as I constantly felt followed. Even simple tasks like taking out the trash became overwhelming, as I feared passing cars might be involved in a drive-by shooting. It's hard to fully express the level of anxiety and fear I experienced. I even recall believing that construction workers on the school roof were part of an assassination plot against me. My mental state was truly deteriorated. I also felt a sense of shame at work. I've been married to my wife for twenty years, and no marriage is perfect; honest couples with similar experiences will attest to that. My shame stemmed from an act of infidelity, and for some reason, I believed my students knew about it and were mocking me through texts and photos. Whenever a student took out a phone, I thought they were discussing me. Between the cellphones and what I perceived as death threats, I ultimately decided to resign from my job. This was only the beginning of my psychosis I was actually in a psychotic state for about two years from 2018-2020.
Back at home, still convinced I was being followed, I experienced thoughts suggesting I was a dog. I didn't hear voices like many with schizophrenia do, but instead had strange, random thoughts that appeared out of nowhere. The persistent thought was that I was a dog. Then, one day, these thoughts suddenly stopped referring to me as a dog and began suggesting I was a god, oddly enough. At that moment, I realized that "dog" is "god" spelled backward. I remembered hearing this in an old 90s Hip-Hop song by Brand Nubian titled "Wakeup Reprise in the Sunshine" and later in a song by RZA and MF Doom called "Books of War."
The thoughts claimed I was a god and that I was undergoing a Masonic ritual, being supernaturally initiated by the Illuminati. Ironically, just a few months before my "breakdown," I was deeply researching the occult and Freemasonic history of Philadelphia. I traveled to Philadelphia just before dawn on October 13th, when it was dark and quiet, to witness the Freemasonic solar alignment along Market Street toward City Hall that few know about. The streets were designed by Thomas Holmes, and the City Hall building was designed by Freemasons John McArthur Jr. and Thomas Ustick Walter. It was only after this visit to Philadelphia and writing a blog post about it that I began experiencing paranoia in my classroom at work and in my subsequent life. The post I wrote about the Occult History of Philadelphia can be found here.
One night, while talking with my wife about my paranoia, I recall almost pleading with her about my experiences. My wife, who has a bit of a bohemian spirit, suggested that what I was going through was because I was a "Chosen One." Although the concept of certain people being chosen by the spiritual world is prevalent on YouTube today, I had never heard of it before she mentioned it. Upon researching the topic of Chosen Ones today, one common theme on the internet and YouTube is that Chosen Ones are not meant to work typical 9-5 jobs. If you truly are a Chosen One, you might eventually be fired or feel compelled to quit.
Looking back now, some of these ideas make sense, but in 2018, I had no idea what I was experiencing, and it felt as though my life was unraveling. Though my wife labeled me a Chosen One and the thoughts in my mind somewhat changed from paranoia to now saying I was a god and that I was being part of a ritual into illumination, I still would cause some problems for my wife. My wife has dreadlocks all the way down her back and I began to believe that the way thoughts would just pour into my mind I thought that she could also get into my mind through her dreadlocks which I thought were telepathic. So, this caused a lot of conflict in the home because I wanted her to either cut her hair, perm it, or cover it with a head wrap. Being a strong-willed woman, she did none of that, so I remember in order to break the telepathic link I thought she had over my mind I would shave my head. I would shave both my head and the heads of my two sons to protect them I thought. As you can see this experience really tested my family, and my poor mother who was in her 70s at the time cried many nights watching me go through this. My family had me enrolled in and out of psychiatric wards at least six times between 2018 and 2020.
Until now, I have only shared my experiences from a Western perspective on schizophrenia, based on insights from my doctors. However, I haven't delved into the Eastern concept of a kundalini awakening. I believe my experience was more akin to a kundalini awakening than schizophrenia because I eventually emerged from it. It was intense for about two years and then subsided. Some might suggest it stopped because I quit working and began taking medication, which could be true, but I have my doubts. During my breakdown, I encountered an unforgettable paranormal event that altered my worldview. One day, my thoughts prompted me to sun gaze and meditate to activate my pineal gland at night during dreams. While sun gazing, I reflected on my life unraveling, the numerous hospitalizations, and losing my job, leading me to cry during meditation.
At that moment, a bee landed on my face, partially stinging me while drinking my tears. This lasted for a minute as my thoughts instructed me to remain still and not harm the bee. It only ended when the bee attempted to crawl into my mouth, and I shooed it away. This event was paranormal and synchronistic for me because, at the time, I was reading two books about bees: The Tears of Re and The Sacred Bee. I was reading these books because I believed I was undergoing a Freemasonic Illuminati ritual during my breakdown. My thoughts led me to research the Illuminati, originally known as the Order of the Bees. For a bee to land on my face while researching them seemed more than a random act or coincidence; it felt orchestrated, which is what Carl Jung referred to as synchronicity. The fact that the bee landed on me prompted me to research the bee symbolism found in the Illuminati and European and Egyptian royalty. This also led me to explore the genealogical history of my own family, both my black and white relatives, and whether I am related to what is known as Illuminati Bloodlines. I shared my research in a separate blog post titled The Bastard Seed, which is available on this site for anyone to read.
A kundalini awakening is a belief held by many yogis in the East that energy lies dormant in our lower spine like a coiled snake eventually, leading to our brain or pineal gland. This energy path along our spine passes through seven different energy points called chakras. These yogis believe that through yoga and meditation, you can raise this energy through your chakras. However, some believe the energy can rise spontaneously, often dangerously, mimicking symptoms of schizophrenia or psychosis. It is thought that when this energy rises, you open your third eye or pineal gland, enhancing your intuition and sensory abilities, leading to the seventh chakra, which ultimately connects you with a mystical experience of the divine or God consciousness. My experience with the bee is not a sign of insanity or hallucination but a connection with the divine, where nature and I are one. Over eight years have passed since my experience in 2018-2020, and my life is much calmer now. My family has healed, and things are much better. I spend most of my time at home, reading, working out, and living off disability, all while seeing my doctors and therapist. Some might say I am truly living a life of a Chosen One. Most Western doctors still believe I am schizophrenic and remind me to stay on medication and therapy, ignoring the opinions of Eastern yogis on whether it is psychosis or a kundalini awakening related to the chakras. I continue to enjoy life and am thankful that I came out on the other side, able to write about it in a blog and share my experiences with others who may be in similar situations and may find my experience helpful.
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